My college sweetheart and I were together for 8 years.

It was a break-up I was not sure I would get over.  Even though I was the one that broke it off, I did not fully understand why I felt compelled to do what I did, and was not sure if I would ever stop crying.

The challenging thing about break ups is that not only do you have to get over not having this person in your life, but there is so much to un-do, from letting go of your vision of the future together, common friends, relationships you formed with the other person's family, etc.

One of my teachers says, the only time people are compelled to make a change is when you are either moved from Inspiration, or Desperation. 

I was desperate to feel better and to understand why I did what I did so that I would not do that again, both to myself and someone else.

Understanding your brain is a process by which you first need to gain a clear understanding of the learning that lead up to a certain event.
I took stock of the learning I had in my family about relationships, what I observed in their interactions and also how my life played out physically.

I also needed to examine what I observed and was communicated to me by other people in my life(friends, schools, magazines, media, etc) and to really get honest about whether or not those things that were expected of me was what I truly wanted.

Quite often, what we are seeking something the other person makes us feel.  Some of these drives include not feeling alone, feeling more status, feeling powerful, feeling dominated, feeling taken care of, feeling abused, feeling anxious, feeling drama, feeling alive, connected--- and the list goes on.

The brain is always seeking balance, and we have states that we desire to feel to feel comfortable, and sometimes we are not able to create these states for ourselves, and therefore enlist others to facilitate those feelings in us.

This is not necessarily a bad thing, but when it's a feeling of compulsion, of NEEDING this person, rather than feeling like you have a choice, a lot of the crossed wires begin to show themselves.

Initially when I started examining my own brain, my goal was to use brain gym to target those behaviors so I could root them out and balance them so that I didn't feel the giant waves of pleasure and pain that comes along with relating to another human being.  

But as of late, what I feel is that the other person is a catalyst for starting the chemical reaction, and I want to learn how to sit in the sensation of that for as long as possible and find a way to be balanced in the situation.

We like the pleasurable sensations, but not the ones on the other end of the spectrum, longing, sadness, desperation, unrequited desire, etc.  But these emotions are governed by the same area of the brain that govern pleasure and if you numb them to not feel the "bad" emotions, you will also numb your ability to feel and hold pleasure. 

So Brain Gym for me has turned into a modality where I can sit in the full spectrum of emotion and feel--to feel all the delicious sensations of being alive--and still keep connection to all parts of myself that can organize, communicate and focus.  

When you master the ability to sit in the sensation, you feel freed.  
Then the other person is just a catalyst and not the source of your fuel to feel free.  

The relating from this place feels like a challenge to grow rather than a way to feel comfort from the things you don't want to face in yourself.

I want to share and learn to grow this ability to feel free with another person.  
That, to me is the definition of love.

I want to also teach this to as many people as possible.

Join me this Thursday to begin the exploration.

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/help-your-brain-get-over-heart-break-tickets-10545232073

Are you feeling stuck in love?

I don't know if it is preparation for February, but it seems like all of my clients these days are coming to get balanced for relationship stress.
All kinds.
Everything from being able to move things out of an ex's apartment and finally ending it, to keeping your head focused while moving through the difficult process of divorce.

The kind of pain that one experiences while going through relationships is one that is in a class of its own.  I have also seen Brain Gym and the sessions make this process markedly easier so that you can move through it with more grace, ease and as little stress as possible.

As my question to you is, are you feeling stuck in love?
And aspect of it, from finding it, keeping it, or being satisfied with it?

No matter how much you tell yourself,  "never again", do you find yourself stuck in the same kind of relationship?
Are you hanging on to a relationship that is not honoring to who you are and where you want to go?

It's not your fault. I have a secret.  You may be surprised that the culprit lives in your own body.
Your brain. 
Your brain absolutely hates change.
It may actually be keeping you stuck in longing, heartbreak, or stagnation just to keep the status quo.

If you are sick of hurting, and want to open up to a better way, come to this event on Thursday which will give you some tools to get unstuck in love.
Details can be found here.       Reserve your spot today!

Quite often we pick people as partners/friends who have the opposite brain make up of ourselves. 
I think this tendency is a response to an inner drive to be complete, and so we draw people into our lives who represent a different way of being and living in this world in order to learn from them.  I have found this in many people I work with and in my own relationships. 
It's almost like the two people together make up a whole brain, and though one complete brain is good, two complete brains choosing to spend time together is even better.  
The thing is, seeing things from someone else's perspective is difficult, especially when your brain tends to see, analyze, understand things in a very specific and unique way.  

Do you ever get into a (heated) discussion with your significant other when after a while you realize that you both have been arguing for and wanting basically the  same thing but because it was communicated in a certain way, you were not hearing each other?
Or do you ever feel like you explain things a million different ways but they just don't  "get it" or "get you"? It's frustrating because it seems so obvious to you, but to the other person with a different brain make up, it is not obvious.
In these cases, we often just, "agree to disagree" and resign ourselves to just relate in this way or expect a struggle when it comes to communication.

But things don't have to be/stay this way.

I recently had a chance to work with a couple, in real time, to balance both their brains to become more whole brained in themselves and then relate to each other from there.  They were both able to turn on both sides of their brain, the logical/linear action brain, as well as their big picture/reading-between-the-lines receptive brain, and they felt like they reached a new level of "seeing where the other person was coming from".  

In what areas of relationship do you find struggle?
How would you like to deepen your relationship today?
Both partners need not be present for this change to happen.
Come do a session to become more whole brained, and thereby more satisfied in your relationship today!