It's so easy to judge and be appalled at what I see around me, but when I stop and look at the judgement it's really the fear underlying it of now knowing if I can live that way or want to for that matter.
I am incredibly grateful for the life that I was given. I have my trials and tribulations, but right now, the thing that occupies my mind is that I would like my internet to come back on in my house. Talk about first world problems.
I wish to take all that I have been given and work towards the goodness for as many as I can.

Grateful for everything and nothing in particular. Grateful for my parents, my soul, my friends, my ex-friends, ex-boyfriends, people who know me deeply and the honest reaction of strangers. 
Grateful to be sitting in a coffee shop with a warm tea by my side in one of the greatest, most interesting and chaotic cities in the world. Grateful to know the love, connection, frustration, and inspiration that is in my life presently, and also to know that in this time of frigid temperatures, there is a warm little piece of this city on lease to me--a little personal sanctuary that is filled with things I have collected that bring me comfort, and that I can call my own. I am thankful for the ability to take care of myself and meet my own needs but still have connections that feed my soul. I feel blessed to know that I am living in a time and place where I have the time, resources and the plethora of possibilities open to me at any time if I were to decide to do it.

 I am thankful for the things that scare me. It keeps me humble and striving for a bigger, stronger, more courageous version of myself. It's good also to be reminded in those moments when it feels like its too big and you just keep chipping away at it until you can finally see the core of it all and it's not so big anymore. I am also so grateful for the people past and present who show up at the perfect moment to give perspective and hold the loving space when I can't hold it for myself.

 I guess this post is not for the squeamish or mens who didn't grow up with female friends or sisters. I don't get back aches or cramps or anything really crazy physical, but it's a time of the month when I feel my emotions more in depth than the depth to which I usually feel them. On a daily basis, I feel mostly happy, but during these days, I feel the range of emotions from the depths of despair and sadness, as well as so much joy that my heart feels overcome and I have no words. I am always on the verge of tears, and when I cry, it feels sweet, like a much needed relief from all the pent up emotion. I feel very tender in my heart on these days, and it feels beautiful. I look forward during these times to get a little more quiet and in tune with my inner goings on. Not only because I will most likely tear up at hearing a baby hic-upping (like one is behind me right now here in starbux) but because it feels like that's what I need to do. It is one of the many sacred rhythms that govern our lives, our heartbeats, our respiration, our sleeping/waking cycles, and this rhythm of the moon, that governs our creative energies and primal continuation of our species. It SHOULD be honored.

When something you start out doing to help someone else turns into an unexpected opportunity to be helpful and growthful for both of us. And it's a win-win. I love win-win situations. That is what I am striving these days to create. This was a totally unexpected turn of events but one that brings me a lot of relief. So thankful. Now I just need to put my ducks in a row and show up and do my best.

I've gotten a lot more of this in the last two days since the internet has been out and I don't have the option of staying up late working or "sometimes" checking social media......sleep is the great equalizer, tamer of beasts and feelings of disconnection and discouragement. I feel like when you sleep enough you feel like you have energy to conquer your blocks and go after your goals. If more people slept enough our whole world would be a better place. But it's so hard to do what is good for you sometimes. Thank goodness for no internet. I also am waking up to a funny outer space sounding alarm on my phone, and I'm not used to it so I always jump up wanting to say, "beam me up Scotty!" it's good to start the day off with a laugh....even if it is at yourself. =)

My Brain Gym Twin Marjie Citron. I met Marjie, soon after I moved to New York. We both learned about, studied, and became brain gym teachers around the same time. We were doing things on the same timeline without knowing each other. When we met it was like, "I think about brain gym this way." "Really? so do I. I wrote this on my flier" "wow. that's almost exactly what I wrote on mine" and so on and so forth. We have shared many "balances" or brain balancing sessions since we met, and in recent years we have increased the frequency with which we balance each other's brains to almost once a week. I am so grateful to my time with her not only because she is an awesome person, but because we can totally be ourselves with each other, and simultaneously learn and grow. Our balances together grow us, not only professionally, but personally, spiritually, emotionally, and so much more. I have had so much bodywork and energy work and brain work over the last 10 years and I have become very selective about who I entrust my being with. I can say whole heartedly that I trust my brain with her, and know that she has my best interest and growth in mind, and I do for her. It has been such a blessing.....to be able to share this continual growth process with her and to watch both of us continue to unfold and blossom. Oh, and by the way, she is funny! The best thing about our sessions is that even when we are working through things that are very tough, and laughter seems like the farthest thing from what is possible, we can find the humor in it and laugh laugh laugh while we are working. She is one of the most genuine, good-hearted, and integrated people I know. She also works with kids and it makes me happy to know that there are lucky kids (and VERY lucky teachers) out there who have her to balance their brains and love them. I am so lucky to have her in my life.

The cycle of life and life in general. Thank you god, universe, or whatever big entity out there that makes all of this work. I went to a funeral today and watched people show their appreciation for a man whose life was filled with love and was lived to the fullest. I didn't know him well, I know his daughter, but I was inspired, many tears were shed, and I emerge feeling an even deeper desire to drink fully from the fountain. Life is short. Ask many questions. Do what you love.

the delicious moment of quiet listening that opens up when I have the privilege of working with another human being. It's like a bubble that develops and everything that is coming through feels like it's straight from the source. All the tools in my toolbox are available to me, but there is no set or predetermined order. You listen to the body and follow where your eyes point or your hands linger, or where there's a little voice calling from the body "here please!" I find it particularly strong with small/young children that I work with who cannot speak or are too young to do so. You have to listen really hard and also trust that you are hearing accurately. When you find that just right space and their eyes go into a very still focus-like they're seeing but their vision has been turned inside. You sit there with them, two beating hearts at this sacred neutral threshold and watch the nervous system unfold. The body is wise and it has taught both of us.

Day 4, two minutes of gratitude- The snooze button this morning. The new ringtones that I put on my phone that I use as an alarm. I had the same ring tone on it for years, and when I changed it, it changed the feeling of when I wake up. I love my morning routine and the familiar smell of soap in the morning. I went back to capoeira this evening. It was a hard class but still so much fun and so inspiring. I was a bit more vigilant tonight though while watching. But I feel lucky to know it and to continue to work with it.