It was a break-up I was not sure I would get over. Even though I was the one that broke it off, I did not fully understand why I felt compelled to do what I did, and was not sure if I would ever stop crying.
The challenging thing about break ups is that not only do you have to get over not having this person in your life, but there is so much to un-do, from letting go of your vision of the future together, common friends, relationships you formed with the other person's family, etc.
One of my teachers says, the only time people are compelled to make a change is when you are either moved from Inspiration, or Desperation.
I was desperate to feel better and to understand why I did what I did so that I would not do that again, both to myself and someone else.
Understanding your brain is a process by which you first need to gain a clear understanding of the learning that lead up to a certain event.
I took stock of the learning I had in my family about relationships, what I observed in their interactions and also how my life played out physically.
I also needed to examine what I observed and was communicated to me by other people in my life(friends, schools, magazines, media, etc) and to really get honest about whether or not those things that were expected of me was what I truly wanted.
Quite often, what we are seeking something the other person makes us feel. Some of these drives include not feeling alone, feeling more status, feeling powerful, feeling dominated, feeling taken care of, feeling abused, feeling anxious, feeling drama, feeling alive, connected--- and the list goes on.
The brain is always seeking balance, and we have states that we desire to feel to feel comfortable, and sometimes we are not able to create these states for ourselves, and therefore enlist others to facilitate those feelings in us.
This is not necessarily a bad thing, but when it's a feeling of compulsion, of NEEDING this person, rather than feeling like you have a choice, a lot of the crossed wires begin to show themselves.
Initially when I started examining my own brain, my goal was to use brain gym to target those behaviors so I could root them out and balance them so that I didn't feel the giant waves of pleasure and pain that comes along with relating to another human being.
But as of late, what I feel is that the other person is a catalyst for starting the chemical reaction, and I want to learn how to sit in the sensation of that for as long as possible and find a way to be balanced in the situation.
We like the pleasurable sensations, but not the ones on the other end of the spectrum, longing, sadness, desperation, unrequited desire, etc. But these emotions are governed by the same area of the brain that govern pleasure and if you numb them to not feel the "bad" emotions, you will also numb your ability to feel and hold pleasure.
So Brain Gym for me has turned into a modality where I can sit in the full spectrum of emotion and feel--to feel all the delicious sensations of being alive--and still keep connection to all parts of myself that can organize, communicate and focus.
When you master the ability to sit in the sensation, you feel freed.
Then the other person is just a catalyst and not the source of your fuel to feel free.
The relating from this place feels like a challenge to grow rather than a way to feel comfort from the things you don't want to face in yourself.
I want to share and learn to grow this ability to feel free with another person.
That, to me is the definition of love.
I want to also teach this to as many people as possible.
Join me this Thursday to begin the exploration.