Inner work has been my focus for many past years. I did not shop for clothes, I didn't really go to movies, I didn't really do a lot in terms of entertainment. I had my basic needs covered, food, clothing, shelter, and then the rest of my time and resources were spent doing inner work. Even my vacations, usually had a class going on at the destination.
The tide is shifting and my desire is shifting to want the outer world to look as beautiful and be as pleasurable to the senses as it is in my inner world.
Only when I shifted my gaze outward did I realize my fear of putting myself out there as having things I want to say. I realized that I've been playing safe, in a way, by only doing inner work. Growth happens when you're working alone, but it goes into warp speed when other people, other perspectives, and other energies are involved. The funny thing about it is that the other party doesn't even have to be necessarily positive. Of course it is great to have team players who support you and root you on, and bolster you to the next level..... but the interesting thing is that those who challenge you, put you down, test your committment to what it is that you're saying or doing, those parties/experiences often provide more opportunities for growth if you let yourself face them.
That's the scary part.
Admittedly, my first impulse is to want to run away from the experience. Run away and lick my minor scratches and surround myself with people who support and nurture me. But I leave those experiences feeling like I let myself down.
That somehow, I didn't let myself have an experience, and that to me, is worse than the fear of someone disagreeing with you.
The tide is shifting and my desire is shifting to want the outer world to look as beautiful and be as pleasurable to the senses as it is in my inner world.
Only when I shifted my gaze outward did I realize my fear of putting myself out there as having things I want to say. I realized that I've been playing safe, in a way, by only doing inner work. Growth happens when you're working alone, but it goes into warp speed when other people, other perspectives, and other energies are involved. The funny thing about it is that the other party doesn't even have to be necessarily positive. Of course it is great to have team players who support you and root you on, and bolster you to the next level..... but the interesting thing is that those who challenge you, put you down, test your committment to what it is that you're saying or doing, those parties/experiences often provide more opportunities for growth if you let yourself face them.
That's the scary part.
Admittedly, my first impulse is to want to run away from the experience. Run away and lick my minor scratches and surround myself with people who support and nurture me. But I leave those experiences feeling like I let myself down.
That somehow, I didn't let myself have an experience, and that to me, is worse than the fear of someone disagreeing with you.
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