I will still be at my current school part time, but I am feeling myself impatient, itching, and wanting to grow and expand, yet feeling confined by the relics of what is to change.
Transitions that are impending are difficult as you are mentally, and emotionally on to wanting to create new things, events, structures, and being-ness in the new reality. But the current reality is still needing to be addressed in real time.
I literally feel like a tree, stuck in an acorn. All of this desire, this push, this wanting to stretch in all directions and see how much I can expand, all of this feeling inside of me building. But I can't see past the shell.
I feel like it insulates me from things coming in and from me allowing myself to let things out.
I am letting go, letting go of structures that no longer are who I am. I feel like this has been late in coming and I am finally letting myself be who I wanted to be.....although I don't know what that all looks like yet.
I think you can look at this place which causes me some frustration positively, and say that having this structure in place helps to meet the basic needs while the new structure is being created. And to a certain extent, that is true, however each structure needs presence and energy, and at this time I feel like I am living two lives.
I am looking forward to the time when I can make the final transition and feel the space that I can play with.